Hey friends! I got the following email this week and it felt very timely as February is Scout’s birthday month!

I love this question. And I want to preface it with saying I don’t think there is a right or wrong way to do this. Personally, I do not enjoy throwing birthday parties. They give me a low key anxiety that having people over for any other reason doesn’t. I think it’s the details. Did we get a cake? What about gifts? Are we saying “please don’t bring a gift”? Did we make sure to include everyone? What will we do to fill the time?

I struggle.

We decided to do a birthday party when you turn one (usually a family party), five, eight, and at ten you can have a party or go on a special trip with mom and dad. There is no particular reason we landed on those years, but it has worked really well for us.

Now, when it’s not a “party” year, mom will bring a sweet treat to your class if it’s on a school day, and you still get a special dinner at home and gifts and cake and balloons. No one is being neglected here. But the best thing this has done is give the kids some expectations. They know what years they get a party and I don’t have to explain on the years they don’t. It isn’t about if I love one child more than the other and that’s why they get a party. It’s facts. This year, Scout is turning eight, so she gets a party. Millie is turning seven, so she doesn’t. John Robert is turning ten (!!!) so we are planning a trip with him. Next year, Scout won’t get a party, but Alberta and Millie both will. We don’t know what we will do past ten, but so far this is working really well for us.

When it comes to the actual party plan and decorations, this is not my strength. If I can farm it out to a third party location with pizza and cake all the better. John Robert had his eighth birthday at Top Golf and it was worth every single penny! I have friends who love throwing a party. They love picking a theme and making an invitation and all the little details. I think they will look back on their kids’ early years and really love the birthday parties, and I would never want to take that joy from them! But for me, it’s just not a strength of mine. I am, however, really looking forward to John Robert’s trip for his tenth, and I feel like you could argue that trip pays for itself with all the money we saved on not doing a party every year. Maybe if we had less kids we would do a party every other year, I am not sure.

One friend of mine gives their child the choice each year to have a party with friends or get gifts from mom and dad. I think this is another great way to do it. Arguably, the child will get gifts at the party if they go that route. If there’s a larger item they are really wanting they might opt to ask for that and forego a party.

The main things I want my child to feel on their birthday are celebrated and deeply loved. In a large family, days just to yourself are rare and I want the birthday to be one of them. At dinner I ask the other kids what they love about the birthday boy/girl and we just tend to have a general excitement the whole day for that person.

A FEW PRACTICALS FOR THE ILL-PLANNED:

-I get a rep for being very-well planned and for the most part I am, but that is mostly due to lists and systems I have in place in order to function. As much as I can do ahead of time, I do. For that reason, I struggle with helium balloons. There is too much “do this within 24-hours” timing with them. Also where the heck do I hide these floating balloons? They are too fussy! For that reason, I buy a bunch of the number birthday balloons from Target at once for the upcoming year and I store them with my wrapping supplies and the same birthday banner we use for every child. I then blow the balloon up and tie it from the ceiling so it hangs down. No trip to the store for helium needed! (This reel gives you a visual).

-Also on the balloon note, I blow up regular old balloons and simply throw them around the house. When the birthday child wakes up and walks out, there’s 20-ish balloons strewn down the hallway and into the kitchen. This feels fun and magical, and again, no helium!

-We got these for a wedding gift and I am shocked by how much use they get! No more remembering to get number specific candles. Yes, if it’s a double digit you can’t use them. But that happens infrequently and otherwise we love them.

-Need an easy breakfast? Make sheet pancakes and add sprinkles! Whipped cream if you’re feeling wild!!

Millie, age 5, balloons all over the ground. (Also this giant unicorn remains the best gift we have ever given her. She still sleeps with it every night.)

Johnny’s balloon taped to the ceiling. You would never know!

Even Annie gets the beloved candle holder! Look at that longing in her eyes…