I turn 35 today, and this is the biggest thing I’ve been muddling over:
For most of my late twenties and early thirties I was bringing our four children into the world. While they (and Nate) are still my number one priority and use of time, the role is changing. I am not pregnant or nursing a baby…we are on the cusp of being out of diapers…we have kids in school…there seem to be less physical needs and more emotional ones.
At some point in the last decade I started to feel defined less by who I was and more by the roles I played in my family. Mother. Wife. Caretaker. Breakfast Maker. Naptime Kitchen. All good things that I pray I get to enjoy for many years to come. But as a season would shift, I would feel like a boat drifting with the tides, unsure and unmoored.
What I am realizing is that I was focusing a lot on who I was within a particular role, and less on who I wanted to be as a person – who God says that I am. But in this next year, I am hoping to think more on the latter, and allow it to flow into all areas of my life, no matter where the sea leads.
I guess I just want to say that at 35 I thought I would be more sure of who I am, but I think it’s ok that I’m not. God is teaching me that I don’t just grow up in one season of life, but for all of life.