Tonight we went to dinner to celebrate ten years of marriage, and yesterday we got in a big argument about washing out a cup. #Marriage
Yesterday morning I meal planned, ordered the groceries, and got the kids dressed for church. Nate unloaded the dishwasher, reloaded it, took Alberta for a walk, and got ready for church. Before leaving (which is somehow always rushed and stressful no matter how early we begin) he noted my smoothie cup in the sink and asked if in the future I would wash it out and not just leave it in there.
What HE saw was that he had just gotten the sink clean 5 minutes before and here I was leaving a dirty cup in it.
What I saw was a man noticing one small flaw and not noticing all the other things I had done that morning.
I was frustrated. He was frustrated by how upset I was at this small ask. I retaliated with a round of the silent treatment with a double dose of resting bitch face as we loaded the kids in the car to head to church. We both felt misunderstood and valid in how we felt.
When we got to church, Nate needed to rush to serve in childcare and I sat in the pew alone for the service. And in that space I remembered for the thousandth time why marriage is so very hard, and so very sanctifying. To live with another person and see their faults and them see yours and be happy misunderstood and misunderstand and continue to choose each other. It is HARD.
I won’t air our laundry often, but I told Nate I wanted to write this because it’s those little things like a stupid smoothie cup that we can all relate to. The sorts of things that leave you feeling like other people don’t argue about something silly like a cup and “there must be something wrong with us!”
Anyways, happy Monday. I have no big takeaway for you other than to normalize that marriage is so much more than pretty instagram photos. My marriage is the absolute best thing I have going in my life right now. Nothing feels stronger or matters more. And yet, a cup on a Sunday morning can set us both off.